and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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