Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
