I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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