You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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