It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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