i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
