I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
sarcasm needs its own font
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
