How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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