Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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