You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
