pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
