Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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