she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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