You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
