There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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