who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
