I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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