Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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