I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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