Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize