I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
where are my eyebrows?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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