well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
