last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
