Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
