please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
