On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
