What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
