she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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