apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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