every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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