If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
