I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
