the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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