the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
