so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
