Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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