Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
