We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
