guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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