and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
