I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
