We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
