I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
