literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
