Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
