This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
where does the pee come out of this thing
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
