Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
