Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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