take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She's the barista slut.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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