This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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