what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
