get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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