I wannas sexs uuuuu
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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