I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
