talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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