ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
